Katie Holmes is like that friend you had from college who was always really sheltered who ended up marrying that really controlling guy and you were always like, “Okay, but…” on one side and the other side was like, “As long as she’s happy,” but you knew that she was never really happy because how could she be? And then she stopped talking to you for really long stretches at a time and you never knew how her life was going anymore but in the back of your mind you were always like, “I don’t know how she can stand it.” But then your friend finally got her life together and came to you and was like, “Oh my god, I gotta get out of here, I don’t know how I got here,” and you’re like, “Shhhhh. Shhhh. Katie, it’s okay. It’s okay Katie. C’mere.” And then you guys drank mimosas during a really long, weepy brunch and then you helped her move.