(Note: This is probably half of all the lip gloss I won. Plus my roommate’s cat, who decided to pose for the picture while I was arranging my bounty.)
I went to this party with my friend who works at a fancy ladies magazine and they were raffling off these gift bags filled with swag from other fancy ladies magazines, and I won one of them! It was from Elle! It made me feel like I was back to being a magazine editor and broke but receiving lots and lots and lots of free shit that I didn’t need. I mean, the timing was great because I really feel that way lately as I just signed a lease for a new place (with included a broker’s fee) and I bought a cruise vacation for two so my bank account is giving me major side-eye. Goodbye, $$$$! So free stuff is truly wonderful. (Duh.) This is all I remember from being a journalist = tons of free luxury items and being broke. I’m back, baby!
I didn’t count how many lip glosses I got, but I know I got over 20 of them and they are all big brands. I got Stila and Dior and Mac and Givenchy and Nars and Urban Decay and Tarte and… I know I’m forgetting some, but you’ll have to forgive me. It’s just that I got SO MANY. And even if I used every single one of them until the day I died and then I bequeathed these lip glosses to my children and then they bequeathed them to their children, all of my future progeny wouldn’t even be able to use them because it’s a lot. It’s just so much. I could kill a man with the amount of goop I got. (Not to be confused with GOOP.)
Anyway, the day after I received this bounty of lip gloss, I spent an entire morning just staring at myself in the mirror and testing them out. One of the lip glosses was purple. Purple! So I put red lip stain on and then my purple gloss so I looked like I had scarlet fever. Not good. Then I put on so much nude lipstick and gloss that I looked like I was actually dead. My lips disappeared into my skin and I just looked completely lipless. “This is a thing?” I thought. “No lips?”
Imagine if we lived in a world where instead of money, we just bartered with lip gloss. Everybody’s lips would look amazing all the time. What a world it would be! Also I and every Beauty Editor in the world would be insanely rich.
I got so many lip glosses that I when I had drinks with my friend Claire this week I made her come back to my apartment with me in the torrential downpour just so I could throw them at her. “Take my lip gloss!” I said. “Take it!” I was Gatsby of lip gloss. I had so much I didn’t know what to do. I gave her the purple one that confused me so much and all of the baby pinks because it looks bad with my skin tone and really amazing with hers. So now I have a lot of lip gloss, just not quite so much. And I feel better.
Although now that I’m thinking about it I probably should have eBay’d that shit.