last night i couldn’t sleep. i was awake and i stayed that way. i spent too much time on facebook deleting pictures of the old world, when i was in dublin. okay, not really “the old world,” rather, my old world, my old lifetime of a few months ago. the pictures were nice at the time and an accurate depiction of my life, but they now seem outdated, like something i shouldn’t have around. i feel better that they are down now. i mean, the pictures aren’t gone forever. just in hibernation. unless my computer crashes, in which case—crap.
but i kept getting nervous about that stuff, which is stupid, because it’s in the past. i am in a much better place now. but sometimes the past can just sneak up on you and bite you when you thought you didn’t care anymore. emotional wounds really are like the real wounds. if someone cuts you, your skin can heal over and it will feel like you’re fine but if that same person pokes you in that spot, it will hurt all over again.
i am going home tomorrow! i could not be happier! using multiple exclamation points helps to get my point across!! i haven’t been home since last christmas. this is big news. i want to see my family and the dog and you know, sleep. a lot. especially since i haven’t been able to sleep well this week. sometimes i just get so anxious, you know?
i can’t wait to be out of work. only a few more hours. ed and i are going to go see superior donuts, which is supposed to be very good.
Writers and artists from around the world reflect on the movies that mean something to them: what they love, what they hate, what they can’t stop thinking about. Filmosophy is the place for serious reviews, essays, and discussion on the art of filmmaking. Also, OMFG Meg Ryan Week is happening!
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it’s cold outside. it snowed over the weekend. i woke up on saturday on a headache from too much wine. but it was worth it, since it lead to realization and talking. we had ‘hosted wine,’ which is fancy talk for free wine. too much free wine will give you a headache, probably worse than regular, for-cost wine. because the waitress just keeps giving you the free wine and you stop thinking about how much you’re drinking. because your glass is empty and why should she not fill it? a stupid question.
but anyway. i went to the eye doctor on saturday with a big headache when it was cold and so rainy and i asked him why my eyes keep getting sick. and he gave me a prescription for some drops and i bought some new glasses. next weekend i am going to go back and make sure my eyes are healthy and order some new contact lenses. i am just sick of my eyes getting sick. it’s mostly my left one. it has always been the weaker of the two.
i have a boyfriend now. i don’t think i have said that here yet. we have been together for three months and i am very happy. i haven’t said anything because i don’t want to jinx it. but we are together and it’s lovely. we laugh a lot. he is sweet and he is there for me and i feel so lucky. i don’t want to say that because i feel afraid that if i do say it that the bubble will burst and it will stop being the way it is. but it is, and if i don’t say it, i guess that would feel like i’m lying in a way.
my job is my job.
i miss writing.
i miss travelling. i want to go to asia, i think. or scandinavia. i am realizing more and more that i don’t really mind the cold, which is strange for someone who grew up in california. i like scarves and hats and big wool coats and even big down coats. i wore the big down coat i bought the other week for the first time on the weekend when ed and i went to go see ‘the fantastic mr. fox’ and it was nice and warm and i realized that i still had the capsule tag that says that’s a down jacket on it, which made me feel stupid. oh well.
i really liked the movie. wes anderson, you know, that guy is something else.
i don’t know what i’m going to do with myself. i think i’m on the right path. i hope i am.